Hard Times.

I'm falling so deep in to depression.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I have a boyfriend whom i don't trust, no job, and no money.

I take medicines to stabilize my mood, and no energy to do anything productive.

I need help.
My poor mother has done all she possibly can.
Now, it's up to me.
And I just don't know how to handle it myself.

I have always hoped for so much more from myself.
Now look at me.
Doing nothing with my life and being a disgrace to my family.

I never want my family to think anything but the best of me.
And right now, I'm not really giving them a very good reason to think the best of me.

The obvious thing to do is to get a job and get my life on track.
But with this economy, finding a job is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Also, I should dump my untrustworthy boyfriend and start fresh.
But we've been together for six months, and in that time, he's become a part of me.
He is my life and my comfort zone.
Everything I do revolves around him.
I know it's unhealthy, but that's how I am.
That's how I always am when I have a boyfriend.

Another thing is that I have overwhelming doctor bills, and no money to pay them.

I have rent to pay to my parents and in November I have to go on my own phone plan.
What am I going to do?

I feel helpless. Not to mention, hopeless.
I'm tired of calling the same friends and crying to them about the same old problems.

I need a change.

I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to make the change on my own...

* I deserve better then this.