Hard Times.

I'm falling so deep in to depression.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I have a boyfriend whom i don't trust, no job, and no money.

I take medicines to stabilize my mood, and no energy to do anything productive.

I need help.
My poor mother has done all she possibly can.
Now, it's up to me.
And I just don't know how to handle it myself.

I have always hoped for so much more from myself.
Now look at me.
Doing nothing with my life and being a disgrace to my family.

I never want my family to think anything but the best of me.
And right now, I'm not really giving them a very good reason to think the best of me.

The obvious thing to do is to get a job and get my life on track.
But with this economy, finding a job is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Also, I should dump my untrustworthy boyfriend and start fresh.
But we've been together for six months, and in that time, he's become a part of me.
He is my life and my comfort zone.
Everything I do revolves around him.
I know it's unhealthy, but that's how I am.
That's how I always am when I have a boyfriend.

Another thing is that I have overwhelming doctor bills, and no money to pay them.

I have rent to pay to my parents and in November I have to go on my own phone plan.
What am I going to do?

I feel helpless. Not to mention, hopeless.
I'm tired of calling the same friends and crying to them about the same old problems.

I need a change.

I'm just not sure I'm strong enough to make the change on my own...

* I deserve better then this.

From Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll - to Reality.

So I no longer live with my boyfriend. After causing quite an uproar in his household, I packed my things and moved back home with my parents. It's not so bad because I have the garage apartment all to myself. And for right now, I'm living here for free. You can't beat that.

Lately, I've been giving a lot of time thinking about my future. What I want to be, what makes more money but will still keep me interested, where I want to live, things like that. I think I've finally made a decision.

I'm going to find a job for the time being so that I can save up enough money to go VoTech and take cosmotology classes. I'll continue to work until I finish my classes. Then, when I'm finished with the classes, I'll find a booth to rent.

It seems like a pretty stable path to me.
Here's hoping.

That's all I've got for now.

*My house has been staying cleaner than I've ever seen it.

Come and Get it!

Currently I am living with my boyfriend, his dad, his brother, his brother's girlfriend, and their two kids.
Being nineteen and practically a house-wife is a pain.
But I love him and it's good practice.

So now I'm making a grocery list.
Sadly I'm new at this so I have no idea what I'm doing.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

What's a good, cheap meal for a family of seven?
(Easy to reheat, by the way, since the whole family is hardly ever here all at once.)

So far, since I've been the one making dinners, I've made:
-Pork chops w/ shake 'n bake, scalloped potatoes, and green beans.
-Shepherd's Pie, and biscuits.
-Hot dogs, shells and cheese, corn, and steak fries.

Also, some small meals here and there for lunch and stuff.

Other ideas?!

It's been a long time.

I thrive to be the girl he dreams of.
Why?

For some time I've thought that I needed someone.
But I'm beginning to realize that I don't need anyone else.
I need me.
I need my own motivation and my own skills.

When I was little, adults puts ideas and possibilities in my head that I could be whatever I wanted to be.
Along the road of adulthood, I've been sidetracked and lost my vision and goals.

I wanted to be a singer.
I have a beautiful voice that I've taken for granted.I
smoke and never sing.
I wanted to be a Personal Representative.
I let boys and a social life come between that dream and myself.
Now, I want to be an event/wedding planner.
I would be insanely stupid to let this dream slip through my fingers.

I need to get on track and go to school.
I need business classes and other studies that will help me achieve this goal.
I need to find a job or internship to ready me for the challenges that my career will present.
I want to be independent and make my own money.
I never want to have to rely on anyone but myself for the things that I need.
I want to pay off my debts and begin my life as a real live adult.

Life is full of wants and needs and it's up to me to make it all happen.

* i wish i had a cell phone that wasn't a POS.